Chaplaincy Joke Book

Welcome to the second edition. You will find cartoons above and written jokes and a couple of videos below. As we still have at least another two weeks of lockdown, please continue to send in your jokes at . Thank you to those who have already contributed. And don't forget there is also the quiz to keep you occupied if you haven't already requested it. Keep your spirits up.

Some unfortunate wording

Don't let worry kill you – let the church help you.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptised at both ends.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement.

My memory is gone Mildred, so I changed my password to “Incorrect.” That way when I log in with the wrong password, the computer will tell me… “Your password is incorrect.”

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

A cement mixer has ­collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.

The Pope comes in one day and says to his cardinals: "It seems the Jews have challenged us to golf." The cardinals protest that they're no good at golf, and say: "Why don't we ask Jack Nicklaus to become an honorary cardinal, then he can play for the Vatican?" So Jack Nicklaus goes out and plays the game, and comes back with his head in his hands. "What's wrong?" the Pope asked. "Well, it was OK at the start," said Nicklaus. "But did you ever hear of Rabbi Tiger Woods?"

A man walks into a bar with a piece of tarmac under his arm. He says to the barman: 'A pint for me, and one for the road'.

A guy phones the local hospital and yells 'you've gotta send help. My wife's in labour.' The nurse says 'calm down. Is this her first child?' He replies: ''No. This is her husband'.

Client, “You're a high-priced lawyer. If I give you 500 dollars, will you answer two questions for me?'' Lawyer, ''Absolutely. What's the second question?”

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