Welcome to the 4th Chaplaincy joke book. Fortunately we are in an area of low levels of infection, so keep your spirits up and enjoy the jokes. As the lock down is set to continue, please continue to send in your jokes for future editions. There are a number of slides above and written jokes below.
Not Quite what was intended
At the evening service tonight the topic will be "What is Hell", please come early and listen to our choir practice.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want to be remembered.
Our Pot-luck supper is on Sunday at 5pm - prayer and medication to follow.
The Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Tuesday 7pm - please use the back door.
The 8th graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement Friday 7pm. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy!
The Associate Minister unveiled the new campaign slogan
last Sunday "I Upped my pledge - Up Yours"
What was left after the explosion at the cheese factory?
What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of a cave?
Come on bear
As you know musical instructions are usually written in Italian. Here are a few that the choir have recently encountered, together with the English equivalent.
Adante con moto …......Gently on the motorbike
Molto largo …..................Large beer
Largo a Capello ….........The beer is at the chapel
Allegro ….........................Rusty old car
Lento …........................... The time after Epiphany
Furioso ….........................Choir mistress
Orson Welles once said of a certain pop singer: “ He has Van Gogh’s ear for music”.
Life is like a hot bath. The longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.
A man applies for a job as a dustman. The interview went well, and he was asked if he could start the following Monday.“Yes” he replied, “ but don’t I get any training?”“No “ replied his new boss, “ You pick it up as you go along”
One of my friends likes to play his wedding video backwards so that he can see himself walking out of church a free man.
My friend died by falling into a vat of coffee..At least it was instant.
Statistically, only one in seven dwarfs is happy. But in fairness, only one in seven is actually grumpy.
My dad told me I would make a terrible mime. Perhaps it was something I said...
My dad used to play dancing queen on the digereedo, I thought 'that's ABBA-rigional'
A beautician asked a man if the mud pack she had given his wife had improved her looks.“ It did for a while” he replied “ but then it fell off”
Why was Moses wandering in the desert for forty years? Because a man will never stop and ask for directions.
A man consulted an exorcist to see if he could lift a curse that hadplagued him for 30 years. “ I can probably help you “ said the exorcist, “ but first I need to know the exact words of the original curse”“Easy” said the man, “I now pronounce you man and wife”.
A woman sent her husband out to the local market to buy organic vegetables. He said to one stallholder “ These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous Chemicals?”“ No” replied the stallholder, “ You have to do that yourself ’
My wife says that I never listen to her ….............or something like that.
A little boy asks his father “ Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?”“I’m not sure “ replies his father. “ I’m still paying for it!”